One cubicle was engaged. The other had a bowl full of toilet paper. A
very thick blanket of the stuff, obviously concealing an embarrassing
body of work. I couldn't take a leak before flushing it away. I would
have risked back-splash. I pulled the flush. The result was a maelstrom
of faeces and soggy toilet paper. It rose to the very top. I ran. I
yelled to the occupier of the other cubicle to run for his life. He
didn't make it. I could hear his blood curdling screams as I ran to the
top floor where I work. I'm still desperately holding the pee in. I dare
not return. It's gonna have to be McDonald's at lunchtime.
Milk and sugar
I accompanied my dad to the hospital as he underwent cataract surgery. After the operation, while my dad awaited being discharged, a nurse with a Belfast accent asked us if we wanted some tea. Yes, we said. We’d love some. Milk or sugar? she asked. Milk but no Sugar for me, Sugar but no Milk for my dad, said I. Huh? I’ll take milk but no sugar. My dad will take sugar but no milk, please. I’m sorry, what? I like my tea with milk but without sugar. My dad wants it the other way around. Errrrrrrrrr…... After about ten minutes, the conversation had descended to the following: Small man glug glug milky, Big man glug glug sweety! You’re making this very difficult, she said. Two teas with milk and sugar please, I finally said. Okay, she said. In the end, nobody was happy.
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